Audience of One

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The past few weeks…months have been fairly hectic. It seems that even before one thing ends, I’m already behind on the next. No matter how much I do…it’s just never enough.

Ends are left lose.
Tasks aren’t complete to my standard of quality.
Frustration and bitterness grow like weeds.
There are many times when I just feel alone.
Pressing on to the “next thing.”

I’ll be honest. When people see I’m frustrated or I beg…guilt…them, they’ll step up. What about before I reach that point?

I don’t want to be a martyr; killing myself to get everything done on my own. Sacrificing time with my family is not an option, time with my husband and daughter is just too precious. So instead, the time lost…is time for myself.

Time for writing more than a few sentences every two weeks.
Reading a book for pleasure.
More over, I lose time with Him.

Mornings are hard. Gotta get Stacy up, feed her breakfast, pump, make my lunch, her lunch, get us both dressed, and lug out all our gear. My husband makes the coffee {God bless him for that!}, usually changes her diaper, and starts feeding her while I pump. I read a little while I pump, a quick devotion perhaps…

I know God can move just as powerfully in 3min as He can in 3hrs, but I crave that chunk of one on one time with Him.

Time when I can escape the world and refocus.

Please…don’t tell me to wake up sooner…it’s just NOT going to happen. After getting up more than once taking care of Stacy, I wake up exhausted as it is. I’ve tried setting my alarm earlier and putting it in another room, but all I end up doing is getting up and snoozing my alarm for another hour or more. I used to be able to get up and have a good hour or more to dig into His Word. I’m sure one day when Stacy is bigger, I’ll be able to do it again…I hope.

Getting home is the same thing. Everything revolves around my sweet girl and trying to get things done around the house.

My day off is just like anyone else’s. Things like laundry, dishes, and other household chores have to get done. Welcome to being a responsible adult…

Today is my “day off,” and I’m taking time for myself. It’s hard to sit here, writing on my iPhone. My mind keeps reeling over everything needing to be completed. Everyone who is begging…even demanding me for my time.

I’m going to let them down.

Today I’m ignoring their voices. Doing everything in my power to let His voice, His sweet whisper become the loudest.

Today I’m focusing on an audience of One.

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5 thoughts on “Audience of One

  1. Heather, you have a very tender and beautiful heart which focuses precisely on your audience of One. May He bless you abundantly during your precious Father-daughter date!

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  2. Sweet, Heather. Thank you for sharing from the depths of your heart…so authentically. I know many women who feel exactly the way you feel. There are seasons in our lives, and you are in one of the best (a new baby) but also one of the hardest. Being a working mom is so very hard.

    I pray that when you can grab those few minutes with God that He will fill you up full. I pray He will put words in front of you that will be refreshing…like a drink of water that quenches your thirst down to the marrow of your bones. I pray they will speak truth and encouragement into your life that feeds your soul. And I pray for God to carve out precious time for you to sit at His feet through sweet offers of child care from kids in your church, your husband, friends and family.

    You are such a blessing to so many, including me, and one who refreshes others continually. So I pray that God will honor His Word in your life that she who refreshes others will be refreshed!

    Blessings,

    Wendy

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  3. Thank you, Heather. I love your words of 3 minutes with God verses 3 hours. As a mom to 2 girls and grandma of many I know your sleepless hours. I now have health issues and many think I should get lots of God time on my down time wrong! I’m tired and in pain most hours of my days so focusing or keeping my mind from wondering, concentration not happening. So I have short, blessings from God through devotions. Jesus Calling in the morning and a funny christian lady I can’t remember her name but God meets me in those moments and strenthens me. So I can do all He has called me to do. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family. And I will sing praises and journal to my audience of one also.

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  4. Oh the changes that come after wonderful motherhood!! I know them all too well. In fact, baby number three will be here before I know it! All I can say is only God knows 🙂 Thank you for taking time to share!!

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  5. Heather, it breaks my heart to hear of your struggle with time. Please remember that if you are not ministering to your family (you awesome hubby and precious daughter) – no one else can do the same, then all else is for naught.
    Perfection is something too many women fight against. An immaculate house will not draw you closer to the One you desire.
    I’m sure you have heard many suggestions but there is one that I can make that might help.
    When you are rushing around doing laundry, preparing dinner, etc – put your earphones (one side only so you can still hear Stacy) on, open your You Version app and listen to God’s word speak to your heart. Many version are audible.

    May God continue to bless you sweet sister.

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