My First Two Years of Marriage

In January Daniel and I will be celebrating two years of marriage and honestly, I can barely remember what my life was like without him by my side. Believe me when I say, I NEVER want to think about what my life would be without him! Anytime that thought crosses my mind, I start to tear up, but we have made a promise to one another and to God. We both stand firm on that promise…for at least the next 80 years or so here on earth :). {We can renegotiate after 80 years, LOL.}

For those of you who don’t know my hubby and I, we met at his cousin’s Confirmation party in 2009; she was one of my students. He asked me out…I said no, then he asked me again and I said yes {he’ll never let me live down the fact that I said no the first time.}. After two dates I/we decided to get married. We planned to get married the following year on July 24, 2010, then we figured out that we were only waiting that long to make other people happy so we moved the date up to January 16, 2010. He officially purposed in October, we got married in January, and the rest is history.

So many people have said that the first year or two of marriage tends to be the most trying. I knew they weren’t joking, but whoa nelly! As two people combine their lives together, weaving them into one, both have habits…good and bad…routines, likes and dislikes, past hurts, personality ticks, and even furniture that have to be brought together. In some ways, these things have sort of collided together, combusting on impact…most of that seems silly now. Other things we have each laid aside willingly coming to a peaceful, mutual compromise.

Here are a few things I have learned in my first two years. Some of this I put into practice right from the get go, other things I learned as we went along. Some of it may sound like common sense…but sometimes common sense doesn’t come naturally for me. These are in no particular order and can go both ways…

~ Pray together and for one another. I send my honey a Bible verse via text almost everyday and get him a new Devotional book when he needs one. We’ll talk about Pastor’s sermon together or if either of us find a devotion that really hits home, we’ll share it. We don’t do devotions together, but we are both actively growing in our faith.

~ Whomever is texting, calling, or emailing me can wait, my hubby is here now. {Just make sure you set aside time to get back to the people who are calling, texting, or emailing you!}

~ Take time to do a status update. Sounds odd, but every week or so talk to one another and see how the other person is doing. This is more than a, “How was your day?” moment. This is a, “How are WE doing ?” {My Pastor suggested this one :), smart man!}

~ Make plans to spend time together: a date, an outing, a quick trip out of town. It doesn’t have to be a big to-do, just planned time together. On weekends, Daniel and I love to hop around to the different saltwater fish stores.

~ Put everything on a calendar! I am a pretty busy girl with youth, school, church, and Bible study responsibilities, so it’s especially important for me to put things on the calendar as soon as I know about them so that we can work with each others schedule; he has to put his things on the calendar too! We try to go through the calendar together every once in a while.

~ Ok, ever seen Meet the Fockers? Dina every once in a while will say “muskrat” which cues her husband Jack to watch what he’s saying or to back off of whatever he’s doing that is getting ready to cross a line. Seems really silly seeing it in a movie…but y’all it works! My hubby and I each have a name we can call each other in public when we need to call the other one out…without embarrassing them. To anyone else, it just sounds like a pet name, but for the two of us, when we hear that name we know, “Whoops, did I just do that?” No one is the wiser and it’s so much better than being “disciplined” in public. {By the way, no I won’t tell you what our names are, and yes we’ve BOTH have used it to call the other one out. When we have a quiet moment later on we’ll explain why we called them out, if they didn’t already figure it out.}

~ A simple “I love you,” text in the middle of the day or little hallmark card with a box of Chees-Its or pack of gum goes a LONG way to simply let them know you are thinking about them. {He gets Cheese-Its, I get roses, it’s a win-win situation.}

~ Let your and their past, stay in the past. What you have is here and now. Unless there are issues that need to be worked through from your/their past, don’t let it take hold of your time together now. That being said, if there is anything in your past that is a BIG deal, tell them before you get married. Yes, I know, it can be a nerve racking experience, but it’s better to do that BEFORE you get married than afterward…trust me…speaking from experience here!

~ Take a quiz together. Daniel and I recently did The 5 Love Languages quiz together after we took a look at the evaluation in Renee Swope’s book A Confident Heart on pages 140-141. Let me tell you, those really helped us see how we complement one another, we are COMPLETE opposites, so this helps us both see why we react the way we do and gives us an opportunity to work WITH one another and not against. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I tell you, I wish we’d done this two years ago.

Ok, I THINK that is everything for right now, but I’ll add more if anything else comes to mind. I know we both still have a lot to learn, but it’s a good thing we have another 80years {at least} to figure it all out!

How about you? Do you have any relationship advice to offer? Whether you’re married or not, we all have learned a few things over the years and I would LOVE to hear from you!

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10 thoughts on “My First Two Years of Marriage

  1. Just a statement “keep doing what you are doing, because it is working”.

    At every opportunity, tell him….I love you or, I appreciate you or, you make my life complete or, my day is not complete until I feel your touch.

    Never miss the chance to touch him, things as simple as a stroke to his cheek, a touch on the arm, a rub across his shoulders or a pat on the tush….just remember, it is crucial to touch another person in a loving way as that touch can say so much.

    I love you Heather and yes, I see the two of you celebrating 80 years of marriage.

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    1. Thanks for the advice Charlotte!! Hugging and smooching my hubby is one of my favorite pastimes :). We definitely can’t keep our hands to ourselves no matter where we are and I hope that doesn’t change over the next 80years!!

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  2. Love this post! Praying with and for your spouse it the best advice you gave, Heather. But I also love that you have a “word” to speak when one of you steps out of line in public. This can stop LOTS of hurts and fights. It also helps us live out what a godly marriage looks like in
    the world.

    I think one thing I have learned in nearly 25 years of marriage is to learn your spouse’s love language and speak that language whatever it is. And this can be hard when it is not your love language. But it speaks volumes to your spouse and fills them in a way nothing else can. And if it is not your love language, its speaks even greater love to them!!

    Love,

    Wendy

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    1. We take turns saying grace before each meal and it doesn’t matter if we’re home alone or in a restaurant, we always say grace. Sometimes we just take a moment and pray with each other, I love that :).

      Congrats on 25 years, I know that isn’t a small feat! I have to work hard with his love language and I know he has to work hard with mine. It can definitely be a challenge when we’re on opposite ends of the love language spectrum. I get techy and set reminders for myself to speak his language, I am hoping that over time it will become more like a good habit and I won’t need the reminders as much. {With my memory, that may not come easily, but I am trying.}

      Thanks for the input Wendy! Love you!

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  3. Awesome advice!

    One of our conversations in the beginning of our relationship was about our intent with each other. We love each other, and if/when we hurt each other through our words/actions it is usually unintentional. We made a promise to each other that if a hurtful word was spoken or action was taken against the other, we would give the benefit of the doubt and ask each other about the intent behind it. That has helped us both to recognize the lies of the enemy when we are hurt or upset with each other. When we say we forgive each other, we mean it and won’t keep bringing up a past sin.

    Knowing each other’s love language is definitely beneficial in our relationship. And finally, asking God to be a part of our relationship and both of us actively growing and seeking God individually and as a family has greatly improved our relationship. The first two years of marriage definitely bring trials and tribulations, but thankfully we have grown together throughout. 🙂

    Congratulations on two awesome years. God bless your next 78 lol 😉

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    1. Ashley,

      I really like what you said about giving each other the benefit of the doubt. It can be so easy to let emotions take over, I love the idea of stepping back and asking them what their intent was with whatever they did. Thanks girl! Miss you!!

      ❤ Heather

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  4. Heather, I love the way you, Wendy and Ashley referenced speaking our spouse’s love language. Like you, I took the Love Language test after reading the book. What you did that I didn’t do was I didn’t take it with my husband. It caused us a lot of laughs. Since I answered his part of the test with my assumptions (I know, I know…), I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t totally stoked when I kept picking up the dog poop in the yard. Of course “acts of service” was not his dominant language like I thought. He, on the other hand, couldn’t understand why our dog wasn’t pooping as much as usual!!!!

    So, in addition to being ACCURATE with the love language… what I’ve learned from just shy of 10 years of marriage is never missing an opportunity to affirm/compliment our husbands- especially in front of family and his friends! It always feels great to be affirmed… but also for our awesome men, it shows them the our respect 🙂

    You and Daniel are absolutely beautiful- inside and out. Congratulations on 2 of your at least 80 years 🙂

    xoxo

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    1. LOL, Noelle, you always make me laugh girl! I can just picture Ryan looking around in the backyard saying, “Honey, I think there may be something wrong Dig Dig…there’s just no poop out here!” Yes, being accurate with the love language is oh so important!

      I love you and can’t wait to see you in July 😉

      ❤ Heather

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  5. Hello Heather, its really great to read this. You story is more like mine. We will also be celebrating 2 years of marriage on 19 December. We met briefly during the week of daily vocational bible school and got married six months later. We had a great six months of marriage, however, because we did not really talk about our past before getting married, it collided with the present, it hurt our marriage and things were not the same. We separated but we are now back together, working on building the marriage.

    We have began praying together each night, attending church and bible studies together and putting God first in our marriage. I love calling him, sending him texts and bible verses.

    The road has not been easy but I am trusting that the Lord will see us through because He is the one who helped us to get back together and He is restoring what the locusts ate.

    My advise to me and you is to accept our husbands as they are. Leave the changing part to God. Let us respect and submit to our husbands.

    I have taken your points as well as the advice shared by the beautiful ladies here and I am going to follow them.

    Wishing you God’s blessings in your marriage. Cheering you along for the next 78 years should the Lord tally.

    Jackie.

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