Yes, I Know….and I Understand Completely

I wasn’t planning on posting today, in fact I have two posts on Jonah that I’ve been working on, but I started writing this for my “About Me” page and it just sorta morphed into this {I will also post this on my “About Me” page}…

You know, I’ve been sitting here for waaaaaay too long wondering what I would write here.  I even snuck over to a few of my favorite bloggers to see what cool info they put on their “About Me” page…if they even had one.  Then I got a phone call from a precious woman in need.  She needed to know how to help her daughter whose two youngest sons are both very ill; one of which will experience heaven long before many of us ever will.  She needed to know that her neighbor down the street wasn’t going to hell because he committed suicide.  She needed to know that God still loved her even though her days are so full, she has not been able to study His Word.  She needed to know how I am still strong even though I have been through so much this year.  My heart went out to her, because I know where she is at, I understand asking the questions, “How do I keep going?” and “How can I offer strength…when I feel like I have none?”

I told her that someone training for a marathon doesn’t just wake up and start running 10miles everyday.  They build up their strength so that they can endure the race.  Nor did I wake up one day as someone who was strong and my Philippians 4:6 prayer sisters can tell you, I have my share of days when my strength seems to fail me.  God has prepared me, strengthened me over the years to run this race with endurance as He has ordained it {Heb 12:1}.  For before I even turned 18 I…

  • Had been sexually abused on more than one occasion.
  • Knew firsthand the hurt that comes from your parent’s getting a divorce.
  • Worried that we would loose our home.
  • Understood what it meant to feel like food was my enemy, not eating for days at a time.
  • Knew what it’s like to believe that death was the only option I had to escape my pain.
  • Understood other things I have not listed here.

As an adult I…

  • Have felt both the physical and emotional pain of losing a child through miscarriage.
  • Have endured the loss of my step-mother by suicide.
  • Have wondered if the life I am leading…is the life God wanted for me.
  • Have felt pulled in so many directions I have come close to just giving up and giving in.

How am I so “strong”?  Frankly, I’m NOT strong at all…but Christ is my strength and through everything I have gone through, He has poured His strength into my Spirit when I had nothing left.  Psalm 46:1-2 promises me…

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.

I claimed this verse when I was still in high school.  In the midst of all of my hurts and pain, I didn’t think I would survive.  Even then I knew the promise that God offered here was very real and He was going to make it real in my life.  He taught me early on that no matter what was happening in my life, no matter what man does to me or what hardships I experience, He will always be with me, He will always be in control.  Above all, He promises that He will never run out of strength to offer me, to help me move forward.

I wish I could tell you that this healing and strengthening happens over night, but it just doesn’t.  Believe me, God is absolutely able to give you what you need over night and I have no doubt that for some people that is what He offers, but I know that wasn’t the case for me.  You see, God is not about surface healing, He is about penetrating our hearts.  He is about bringing healing from the deepest part of our hurt all the way through until His glory shines pierces the cracks and gaping holes left on the surface…however long that may take.

So what hope did I offer my friend on the phone?  Well, that is between her heart and mine…

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5 thoughts on “Yes, I Know….and I Understand Completely

  1. And I completetly understand also…
    God is working in my life in AMAZING WAYS. I feel like I travel a week in a day and have learned to lean on Him in everyway. Thank you for the post…it fed my soul and lifted my heart.

    Like

  2. Im so blessed with your life, the hardship you overcome, while im reading your post i saw myself before… Thank you, God bless you more ❤

    Like

  3. Heather, you are so gifted at bringing 3-D technicolor to well-known biblical stories. Thank you for the resounding awe in my heart- that, although God doesn’t need me, He desires and yearns for me… He loves working through this very broken vessel. Amazing. Thank you sweet friend- thank you for multiplying your teaching and writing talents to further God’s kingdom! Love you!

    Like

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